Someday Came Suddenly.

You don't see many 16 year olds walking around telling people they are engaged. Truth is, for a month that's all I did. I rarely have a boyfriend,when I do get one it takes a LONG time for me to let my guard down and trust. There was this one guy, we'll call him Casper(Obviously not his real name). Casper was my duct tape to the previous and first broken heart I expirenced. We dated for 8 months. There aren't enough words in the english vocabulary to describe how perfect it was, so we can just leave it at that.

High School changes people alot. You'll sit there and lay in the grass and think "Be thankful for this moment, for this moment is your life." You'll say we are going to have this forever. You'll slow dance to 'Moment for Life' because that's how you feel. But when it suddenly ends what are you supposed to do? When people ask what heartbreak is here is the answer I give, "Heartbreak is lying on the bathroom floor at school crying with your best friend while your supposed to be in class. Heartbreak is the hole in chest thats getting bigger and the lump in your throat thats not going away. Heartbreak is having no idea how your going to get up, wipe your tears,and wonder how the hell your going to get up and walk outta that bathroom and act like everythings okay". And a couple of days ago I FINALLY had a turning point. ;

(for casper) - We leave certain parts of our lives in the past for a reason. And what we had was amazing in every way possible. But like in fairytales, all good stories come to an end. And with leaving things in the past were they belong, its better to move on because you cant wait around forever for someone, its like trying to fight fate(<---impossible) The only thing I want you to do is to go out and live life, be happy. Because for some crazy reason, I love you. Im sure I always will. The only thing thats different about me loving you then and me loving you now is now your forever in my past life. Because im moving one.

In reality though, when Im at home and I actually sit down and un-willingly think of all the memories and past, I feel shitty. Your not there when you say you will be. You laugh at me in the hallways. You make me think to myself "Was everything just a dream?" cause now your a completely different person. And every day it kills me a little more, but even on my weakest days I still get a little stronger cause one person has faith in me.

I have a question. I dont know who Im addressing this too, but the rules that apply to girl world(If your best friend cries over a guy, hes COMPLETELY off limits...ect) do they apply to guys too? Because now YOUR best friend(although hes taken) is here. He hated me when me and you dated. He convinced you to break up with me. But now hes here for me when your not. And he helps me. You've prepared me so every guy I talk to I'm terrified to take chances with. I said Im done with dating. But then heres your best friend(We'll just call him Best Friend) and I'd date Best Friend in a heart beat(And no, not to make Casper jealous. Dont worry, he already confronted me about that.).

Earlier tonight Best Friend said one day we'll be together. One day Casper will stop causing drama and let me be.But then he also says, maybe Casper and I will be together again possibly. Best friend and I talk though. We talk hours and hours on end and its like nothing even matters, nothing has even happened between Casper and I. And for awhile, Best Friend takes away the hurt.

Best Friend knows what Im going through. He went through it last year. Thats why we get along so well, he knows how I feel. Sometimes I say I wish Casper and I would of never met. That I didnt switch out of my art class to study hall. But Best Friend says if I didnt, then I wouldnt of ever met Best Friend. And everything happens for a reason, and that we shouldnt have regrets cause If I never dated Casper, I wouldnt know Best Friend at all.

Best Friend says someday we can be together(we cant right now.) I say maybe in a million years and a day. Best Friend says someday came suddenly.
All I know is, Im not letting this go. Im not messing it up either. All I know is this is my second shot at happiness cause after everything in the past year, now Im almost afraid to be happy.