Wasnt it easier in the firefly catching days?

If it was summer, I would not care. My phone would be shoved in the glove box of my car. And I'd be running around with long wavy hair, shorts and flip flops on, and a killer tan. My girls and I would be staying out all night and sleeping all day.

But its not summer. And every class Im in, I just stare out the windows and count the days until it is summertime. And I stare at my phone while it mocks me. Cause while your number is deleted, I still have it memorized. And every single day I almost text you. But I know you wont reply. I know your over it. I know theres no point. But even after we broke up, you said we were going to hang out all summer. That we'd still be best friends,and I would always have a special place in your heart. Its different now. We walk by eachother at school and its like we've never even met.

Sometimes I just wanna go back to 2nd grade. When on the Saturday nights, my cousins and I stayed at my grandparents house and ran around the backyard at night barefoot catching fireflies. Cause everything was easier. We cried over breaking a bicycle instead of a broken heart. When we wanted to by like our Mother, instead of now wanting to be like Ke$ha.

Right now I have two words that I feel like. Two words that explain how I've been feeling: It hurts. And now, Im afraid of like everything. Im so dependent cause Im scared of being alone. There are certain people that arent ment to be put in your life. No matter how much you want them too, and if everything happens for a reason why do we have to be so upset after everything is over? I mean, we should just be able to stfu and move on.

Everyone feels like everyone else, just not at the same time - That makes me wonder. Do you ever think of me? Am I the first person that you think of in the morning?

We're all fucked up because everyone lies. Sometimes people will tell you they care. Sometimes people tell you that they love you. Sometimes people say that they want you. Sometimes people say they will catch you when you fall. Sometimes people say they will never hurt you. Sometimes people say they would die for you. Sometimes people say you are worth it. Sometimes people say its going to be okay. Sometimes people just HAVE to lie and fuck everything up when they show you their true colors.

Being a teenager is vastly overrated. We make all these mistakes. We are too stubborn and we dont give two shits about what our parents think. We hate school. We fight,we love,we cry, we give up on believing in a higher power. Grades don't mean anything anymore because we base our lives on music lyrics and quotes. Most importantly, we are fucking tired. We are tired of waking up every morning and having to go to school and seeing the people we hate. We get tired of waiting for the text message thats not going to come, we get tired of pretending we're fine.

I get tired of missing you every second of every day. I wish it was summer so my mind could be elsewhere.